What My Miscarriage Taught Me
Imagine my surprise.
My son turned 1 in the beginning of March, I birthed a beautiful baby girl at the end of April, and August rolled around with 2 pink lines on a pregnancy test.
Imagine my surprise to finding out 2 days before my period was supposed to arrive.
Imagine my surprise when I found out the child I JUST birthed, and this next baby shared a due date.
Imagine my surprise when my husband had just gotten stable in his dream career and we were finally on our feet.
Imagine my surprise when the blood work showed low hCG levels, but they were there.
Imagine my surprise when my period came as normal.
It was a difficult season, nonetheless.
I felt as if I didn’t cherish that baby enough, who I carried unknowingly for such a short period of time.
I felt lost, because I knew we wanted our babies close together, and we knew that we always had room in our hearts for one more, always.
I felt lost, because I didn’t know how I could feel something so incredibly deep, when I had only known for a short few days.
I am writing this only a week and a half before this angel’s due date, which a heart that has healed and is blessed beyond belief. Healing is the most critical part in recovering from any event.
What my miscarriage taught me, summed up in a blog post:
God is still so good.
I prayed almost every single day, multiple times a day. When I got pregnant again, 4 months later, I found myself praying 24/7. I found comfort in leaning into how He knew what he was doing, and to equally have courage and faith. I still thanked God for every minute, hour, day, week, and month I was blessed to carry our baby for.
If you don’t believe in God, maybe you could pray to the Universe, or journal heavily about it! I just know there is some higher power. I feel relief knowing there is a plan for me, my family, and the big picture!
Who my support system is.
This season was hard. No denying that whatsoever. My husband had a harder time understanding everything, since it was sudden news- the pregnancy and miscarriage- it took longer for him to process. I respect that, whole heartedly, as this is something we process in our own time.
Both our parents, and my sister, were supportive, but hesitant that they would cross a line! As I am sure most people are, when they are unsure of how to comfort one during the process! I appreciated all their kid words, support, and especially my moms baking (it is to die for!).
My biggest advice if you are trying to support someone who currently had a miscarriage:
Snacks, baked goods, and prepped meals are a perfect place to start
Running errands, grabbing groceries, taking their kids to/ from school
Let them know you are there to chat without any judgement
I learned who my true friends were
Not only were family and friends supportive, I have 2 friends in particular who I chat basically everything with. They even to this day message me how i’m doing, and how I’m healing, and we remain super open and honest. One of them had a miscarriage themselves, and I know we are able to support each other on such a deep level.
One of my friends was over for a sleepover when I got the test, and was such an amazing support to me. After I had healed from my miscarriage, she ended up planning a surprise with my husband for me— dinner, drinks, and girls night while he stayed home with the kids. These are the kind of friends you need in your life.
I could finally truly connect and empathize with others.
I had known of so many individuals who struggled with infertility, miscarriages, and stillborns. Although I may never know the pain of a stillborn, and I pray daily for those who have gone through that, I can only imagine. I am now able to deeper understand the intensity- physical, emotional, spiritually, hormonally- how it affects your body!
I know that I have left my “doors” wide open on my social media platform inboxes for those reaching out with questions, comments, prayers, concerns, stories, etc. I feel so blessed to have healed from this and can now connect and support others to a path of positive healing.
I learned how to be vulnerable, which resulted in strength.
Once I was ready, which took a while, I did announce it on my Instagram. I was super upfront, shared my story, why I was a little quiet with my business, and the support I had was OUTSTANDING. It had made me realize opening up and sharing my story is just the gateway for others to connect and be real with one another.
I believe this world lacks unity and community, and this includes sharing the ups AND downs when you are ready. I felt like people really were able to take a step back, and see a new perspective from a not- so- talked- about topic.
How thankful and blessed I was for full term, big, healthy, happy babies.
I had my children at 39 weeks and some days each, and both weighed 8.5 lbs. I had perfect pregnancies- not even the slightest nausea- and no symptoms until labour. I was that girl who gained belly, some curves, a booty, and boobs for once.
We had our children, immediately discharged and came home, and 0 problems since. No issues breastfeeding, always in the 90+% for weight and height, and happy.
I’m not saying that to brag, but I never FULLY understood how miraculous that was!
I also never understood the severity on why so many women hated me after announcing back to back pregnancies that didn’t affect me.
When I had my miscarriage, it was all crystal clear.
How thankful I was for my living, breathing children.
They had zero health issues, thrived from the get- go, and are virtually NEVER sick.
I know I was blessed.
Going through the miscarriage, I realized how thankful I am that my kids are healthy, happy, alive, breathing, laughing, smiling, growing, walking, crawling, talking… I was able to grow them, meet them, love them, watch them grow, cherish them, kiss them.
That is something I wish I could have done with baby #3.
Never take anything for granted.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I think of that baby. Its hard with the “What if’s”, but I pray and remain positive.
This just goes back to my VERY first point.
“I prayed almost every single day, multiple times a day. When I got pregnant again, only 4 months later, I found myself praying 24/7. I found comfort in leaning into how He knew what he was doing, and to equally have courage and faith.”
Thinking of the “what if’s” is inevitable, but I think that not digging that hole for you to disappear in is super important, too.
How quickly life can change, and to be humble
I know that we are not in control of the situations that occur, other people, or even the events that go on. But we have control over how we react, respond, process, and recover from all of the above. The biggest thing I learned was not only can life change SO fast, I learned to embrace what phase of life we are in (good or bad) , and to know how grateful and humble I am!
Life can be given and taken incredibly fast!
If you have ever struggled with a miscarriage and need to chat, you are ALWAYS welcome to pop into my inbox.