Be The Friend You Wish You Had When Your Babies Were Newborns.
Total confession: I wasn’t the best friend to all my other friends who had babies when I wasn’t a mom yet.
It wasn’t because I didn’t care, or didn’t see the infant as a precious being. It wasn’t because I didn’t think she went through such a transformational experience- mentally, spiritually, and physically. And it wasn’t because I was self centred and made the visit about me.
It was mainly because I had never gone through childbirth, raising a child, or understanding what types of needs she would need met. My mom (thank the Lord) always taught me to:
Always bring food to a new mom (baking, cooking, or even fruit + veggies)
Always do a quick tidy of her kitchen- dishes are a huge plus
Only say positive things + allow her to guide the conversation
Pick up cues when you have overstayed your visit. (AKA, do not stay for longer than an hour.)
If my mom taught me all the above, how wasn’t I a good friend to all my other friends who had babies when I wasn’t a mom yet?
I couldn’t resonate with her fully. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, or didn’t try. I didn’t understand how the c- section felt, or what it felt to get stitches inside her.
I couldn’t resonate with why she was struggling with breastfeeding, or maybe that she felt like she got hit by a train.
I couldn’t resonate with why she was randomly crying (I still hugged + held her!), and I didn’t comprehend why women were so emotional after having a baby. Rightfully so, if I may add.
I wasn’t a shitty friend by choice, I just had never experienced what she was going through.
I am sorry I didn’t ask you to slide me your grocery list and debit card during the visit.
I am sorry that I didn’t sweep and mop the floors.
I am sorry I lacked empathy
As mothers, we are taught to as for very little. We are taught to do all the things. We are taught even after birthing a child, it is our job to continue to serve others.