What Happened In My Marriage After Taking Care Of Myself For An Entire Year...
Trust the magic in new beginnings is something I really had to tell myself over and over for the first few months.
It never was about the principle of taking care of myself that bothered nearly everyone I had a relationship, it was the change that was occurring within me that terrified them. It isn’t a surprise that people are generally terrified by change, and this includes the mindset and personalities of their loved ones.
Although I could go on with how practicing proper self care affected my relationships, I wanted to specifically focus on my intimate relationship!
Saying no and respecting my boundaries was harder on me than it was him.
I had never practiced having any boundaries in my life, whether it was with myself or with others. It was nerve wracking for the first few months declining outings, setting expectations, and creating clarity. He was never holding me back. I had negative experiences with all types of relationships in my past that made this step feel incredibly difficult and vulnerable!
I had noticed that the more consistent I was with saying “no” to certain outings or the time frame on outings, the more he realized there was a boundary associated with that physical place. It started to become a non- verbal agreement and understanding, which I reciprocated when he felt the same way about creating boundaries for a location.
The more clear I was on expectations around the house in our relationship, the consistency started to play naturally in our lives. We both created realistic and manageable expectations that we both loosely held ourselves accountable to. It wasn’t for anyone’s benefit but our relationship.
The more clarity I was able to give, the less he had to guess, thus creating smooth interactions time and time again. We both started to open up about boundaries, and it made things incredibly stress free.
A true soulmate wants you to be the best version of you there is.
He began to push me to continue to do better, especially in my difficult seasons, when he started to understand what was going on in my routine. I absolutely appreciate that somebody took the time to keep me accountable to my goals, dreams, desires, and who I want to evolve into. That is exactly how you know you are with a true soulmate!
At first, it was difficult on both ends, because at first he didn’t understand why I was changing myself! It took a lot of explaining, describing, and going into depth to have a solid understanding. It almost gave him permission to do the exact same thing.
Ex. Waking up at 5am; creating a budget for our family to stick to so we could create a more financially stress- free life; my activities I chose to participate in.
It was difficult on my end as well, because he kept me dang accountable for my actions. It was almost hard to slack because I was being reminded by more than myself. However, it was so enlightening having that kind of care in my life. It was more positive than difficult hands down.
He started practicing self care unconsciously.
After watching me invest in a gym membership, feeding our family even healthier than before, letting go of toxic friends, and creating space for myself in various ways, I observed him doing the same thing.
He works between 40-80 hours a week, so self care looked like:
alone time | rebuilding vehicles and dirt bikes; building wood projects; occasional video games; beard maintenance
date nights with me | we would go out for dinner and fully enjoy ourselves for hours without the noise of the kids! We were able to continue to rekindle our spark!
activities he loved doing with the kids | swimming; nature walks; indoor playgrounds; ice cream dates
“man time” with his friends | golfing; pool; bon fires; rebuilding vehicles and dirt bikes
Our relationship began to flow more effortlessly.
It was as if we started to understand each other on such a deep level, that we stopped having to guess and assume things. Which, I do not recommend assuming either way.
We unintentionally started to comprehend our own boundaries and desires, which meant our dynamic had became an ease. We didn’t fight over things we “had no idea about”, or were upset they didn’t want to do something because we didn’t fully understand the reasoning. We truly felt empowered in our own roles in the relationship, and had respect for that.
The foundation of our relationship sturdied.
Like I had mentioned before, we:
kept each other accountable unconsciously
respected each others boundaries and understood them more clearly
gave each other space to grow and flourish
allowed ourselves to evolve together in our relationship, without assumes roles and positions
Our relationship started from a great friendship, but not knowing how to move forward to “the next level”. By the end of an entire year of practicing self care sturdy, with little bumps in the road, we had came out more positively intertwined than ever.
Our intimate relationship was strengthened.
Read the 5 rules to a successful relationship we stick to that created a strength in our bond to get a sense of how we started that foundation I mentioned, while strengthening our partnership as time evolved!